Shirley used to give Laverne pep talks. Who will give me one? My rational mind says there's no reason to expect total failure, in fact, total failure doesn't exist. But I feel doom clouds over my heart. In spite of them, I must take risks, or I will face, if not total failure, then a continued life of mediocrity. I'm used to riding out negative feelings.

I do feel trapped, because I can't see a way to get the skills I need to escape these administrative assistant jobs. How to take action?

A. get an administrative job in a field of interest
B. return to school and hope I will find a better job when I get out

Both options have risks. A could be another dead end. B could be a great waste of money and time, plus I don't like school anymore. I would like to combine these options somehow. I must do something.

I love to write, but
I love to edit, but

Trying to look forward, not rehash previous mistakes. What can I do now, not what should I have done then.

Everything seems foggy and uncertain. I feel like I'm scrambling around doing stuff I don't have a passion for. Whatever I have a passion for is gone. By the time I get home, the only thing I have a passion for is reading stupid novels and watching movies. I don't care about improv much anymore.

It would be cool to spend a few hours a day working on my very own project. If I could get into the Fine Arts building in the evening, or work on some image ready animation here, even though this office drains me.